


Just a little too much, until it's perfect

by Msoiorniyus



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: A cute little story, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Soulmates, Summer Vacation, We all need a lighthouse to show us the right direction, and Hongjoong loves him, and he loves Hongjoong, and he loves the sea, seonghwa isn't sure if he's korean, seongjoong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Msoiorniyus/pseuds/Msoiorniyus
Summary: When he dies, he thought, he would ask that his ashes —because of course, he would get incinerated, — to be scattered at sea; it would be wonderful to become a  part of such a beautiful immensity.OrSeonghwa and Hongjoong meet, and nothing can possibly separate them from each other.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 28





	Just a little too much, until it's perfect

**Author's Note:**

> So... I wrote this  
> I hope you like it!  
> I just really love Seongjoong okay?  
> Who doesn't love a bit of cliché?  
> Don't hesitate to point out my mistakes, so I won't make them again next time :)  
> Also, I think I listened to every ones of Lewis Capaldi's songs while writing this  
> Anyway, enjoy! And remember that I love you!

Seonghwa has always liked the ocean.

  
The sound waves make against the shore was his favourite one in the world. 

  
In the middle of the night, when his heartbeats get just a little too fast, his breath just a little too laborious, he listens, and tries to breathe in unison with the waves. Just listening to the ocean makes the hole in his chest a little more bearable, the darkness a little less opaque.

  
When he dies, he thought, he would ask that his ashes —because of course, he would get incinerated, — to be scattered at sea; it would be wonderful to become a part of such a beautiful immensity.

  
Younger, when asked where he wanted to live in the future, he always said that he wanted to live next to the sea. He didn’t care if it was in a big house, or just a miserable cabin on the seashore, he just wanted to be able to catch a glimpse of the blue water when looking through the window, and to be able to breathe the slightly salty scent of the sea. If you asked him now, his answer would probably be the same, it’s just that he didn’t know if he still believed in a future anymore.

  
Seonghwa was born in a small city on the east side of the Korean coastline, like his father before him. Maybe that could explain part of his attraction to the sea, you know, being born so close to it. But he didn’t stay there long, his family moved to Seoul when he was only two, and then, a little less than three years later, they moved all the way across the Pacific Ocean, to a city as far from the sea as you could find.

  
And so, when asked the question «Where are you from?» Seonghwa never knew how to answer. He was Korean, of course. He spoke korean with his family, he liked korean food, listened to korean songs and most of his friends were korean, but he didn’t feel as Korean as those who lived in the country all of their life. He didn’t know much about Korean history, even though he wished he did, he didn’t like reading in korean: his brain took just a little too long to process the words on the paper. After all, he spend almost all his school years writing essays in English, doing Math in English, trying to think in English.

  
So, Seonghwa didn’t really know where his home was. A little too Korean for their taste, but not Korean enough at the same time.

  
When having this conversation with his inner voices, in his head, his favourite answer was that he was just a Child of the World, that he was just from Earth, or even better, that he was a Child of the Sea. Because yes, Seonghwa spent half of his time having imaginary conversations with imaginary people in his head, that would never actually happen, because they, at least, would never disappoint, they would answer the way he wanted them to answer, he wouldn’t ever feel judged by them. Plus, no real people would want to listen to him rant about his weird passion of the sea, would they?

  
He sometimes wished that he could voice all his thoughts to his real life friends. In fact, he spent most of his teenage years wishing for someone to become his «confidant», you know? His most intimate friend, the person he would text on nights he would feel just a little too much like chocking, when the weight on his chest was just a little too heavy. The person he would pour his heart to, and who, when having his heart in their hands, wouldn’t even let the thought of crushing it cross their mind. The person who, even when he wasn’t able to let the words come out of his mouth, would know exactly how to react. They would know whether it was better to force his words out of his mouth, or to just give him a hug, and hand him some ice cream, so the sugar high would make him forget about his worries, even just for a moment. Because, of course, they knew that the moment would be enough, for now, at least. Seonghwa wished he could be this person to someone else, too, so he could make their days just a little brighter, just a little...

  
It’s not that he didn’t believe that this kind of relationship would really exist, it’s just that he hadn’t met the right person yet. Or maybe he did, and it just wasn’t the right moment.

  
Don’t get me wrong! Seonghwa did have friends. 7 of them, to be exact. They were wonderful people, Seonghwa loved them a whole lot, and they loved him, too.

  
There were the loud ones, like Wooyoung, whose voice could be heard from across the room, and the less loud, but equally chaotic San, who always stayed by Wooyoung’s side. There were also the loud, and ridiculously tall ones, Mingi and Yunho, always ready to put a smile on their friends’ faces with some dad jokes, or some dirty jokes that most dads wouldn’t approve of. Then, there were the quiet ones, Jongho, the youngest one, who sometimes was just way too mature for the rest of them, Yeosang, who, when they first met him, seemed to use Wooyoung as his mouth, instead of the one sitting right under his pretty nose. Finally, there was Hongjoong, who he knew for a little shorter time than the others, and finally, Seonghwa himself.

  
Seonghwa knew that if he really needed to talk, they would listen to him. But maybe he was just a little too shy for that. He wasn’t afraid of their judgement, no. After all, most of them knew each other from childhood, being the only Korean kids in the neighborhood, and they all had been embarassed enough in front of each other, with puberty and everything.

  
Seonghwa remembered this one time in middle school, when Yunho had a stupid crush on a girl, and he had finally built enough courage to ask her out, to only find out that she wasn’t interested in him, and that, in fact, she wasn’t interested in boys at all. It was the most flustered they had ever seen this big puppy of a boy be, and none of them ever mentioned the incident after seeing him like that. Sometimes, when Seonghwa let his eyes fall on the two tallest of his friends and that he would see them cuddled together, he would wonder if it was because Yunho’s gaydar was just that good, and that the boy had mistaken the acknowledgement of someone as non-straight as him as love, because on a scale from Jupiter to gay, Yunho was the rainbow flag itself, and the only homosexual kind, and there was no way that he had fallen for a girl.

  
Maybe it was because his friends knew him just a little too well that Seonghwa couldn’t, and wouldn’t want to fully confide in them. It would be way easier to confide in an almost stranger.

  
And maybe, maybe it was because of that that, when 17-year-old Seonghwa met the new 17-year-old Korean boy who had just arrived in town, Hongjoong, he learnt, Seonghwa found himself having late night conversations with him, showing him a bigger part of his heart he had ever ever shown to no one. It wasn’t his entire heart, nope, there was still a part of it that he didn’t want to show just yet, maybe because he was too afraid to show it to him. But it was fine, for now, at least.

  
The next summer, a year after they first met, and their last one before going to college, was the happiest summer of Seonghwa’s whole life. They were all finally old enough so all of their parents would let them go on a trip together. Some parents were easier to convince than others, but they all made it. And so, they went to the beach. I mean, where else could they go? It was summer break after all.

  
There were a little too many tourists for Seonghwa’s liking, but it was still the sea, and nothing could stop him from being happy, especially with a certain red-headed boy by his side.

  
On the last day of their trip, they went to the beach one last time. Seonghwa was looking at the waves kissing the shore, and was talking about the connection he had always felt with the sea. He didn’t know if the others were listening to him. Maybe San and Wooyoung were too occupied digging a hole so they could put Yeosang in it, maybe Jongho was too occupied being sleepy after having helped his friends open all the watermelons they brought as snacks with his bare hands, because his stupid hyungs had forgotten to cut them beforehand, and maybe Yunho and Mingi were too occupied eating each other’s faces, but Seonghwa didn’t care, because they were here, they were together and they were happy, so he was, too. Plus, he knew that someone was listening to him, at least.

  
And when, the bright-haired, bright-eyed boy piped up after listening to him ramble, Seonghwa’s heart exploded of happiness, because the sweet sweet boy with pink lips said:

  
«You know, Seonghwa, you remind me of the sea, sometimes. There’s this poem, by Sarah Kay where she says: «There’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it is send away.» And Seonghwa, you’re so damn strong, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you».

  
This was the most beautiful compliment Seonghwa had ever received, nothing could stop the tears flowing on his cheeks, and when San asked about it, he said that some sand got into his eye. Of course, the other boy knew that this wasn’t the real reason, but he didn’t insist. He only looked at Seonghwa, and the shorter boy in his arms with a small smile on his face, before turning away and jumping on Wooyoung to tickle him. The boy let out a loud scream, that made Seonghwa laugh, he knew that Hongjoong laughed, too, even if he could only see the top of the other boys head, his face buried in the taller boy’s shoulder.

  
At this moment, Seonghwa realised that maybe he didn’t really believe in soulmates, but if he were to have one, it would be no one else but the boy he was holding right now, because nobody would ever understand him better than Hongjoong did. Seonghwa thought that, if humans were all made of stardust, he and Hongjoong were probably made from the same star, because he didn’t see any other explanation for the connection they felt between their souls.

  
So, Seonghwa decided that he was ready to give the last piece of his heart to Hongjoong, because if he couldn’t trust him with it, who else? Who else would he trust?

  
It happened a week after they returned home, a week before going to college. Seonghwa had invited Hongjoong to stay over, and they were currently watching a movie, that none of them was really paying attention to. Seonghwa paused it, Hongjoong looked at him in surprise, waiting. Seonghwa took a deep breath... «I love you», a smile, «I love you too, silly.», two smiles.  
And so, the two got together a week before going to college, a week before going different ways. Luckily, they weren’t going too far from each other, right? I mean, there’s nothing a few hours of flight can’t solve, right?  
The boys weren’t afraid, they believed. They believed that they would make it work anyway, because what was physical distance when their hearts were so close?

  
If two pieces of stardust could find each other after millions of years, surely Seonghwa could find Hongjoong again, and again, no matter how far from each other they were. At least, they were lucky enough to live in a world where smartphones existed.

  
And did they?

  
Did they find each other?

  
Of course they did. They found each other during school breaks, they found each other after college, when they found work in the same town, and they found each other again, a few years later, when walking down the aisle.

  
And Seonghwa knew that no matter what, he wouldn’t be alone ever again, he had Hongjoong, and Hongjoong had him.

  
He wouldn’t be lost ever again, because when he would find himself floating in the immensity of the ocean, he would float knowing that there was a bright red lighthouse, the same colour of a certain boy’s hair, waiting for him, somewhere. And he would guide him through the darkness, to help him find his way to the next sunrise.

**Author's Note:**

> Gosh I put way too much of myself into this  
> Please tell me what you thought, don't hesitate to comment!  
> And please check out Sarah Kay's poem "B" (If I should have a daughter), it's beautiful  
> Thank you for reading!  
> Thank you ATEEZ for motivating me to write again, even if this is not perfect  
> Love.


End file.
